When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
