Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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