I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
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