peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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