What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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