cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
