My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
