Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
