now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He felt like a one man threesome
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
