My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
