oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
