I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
