I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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