im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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