Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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