I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize