i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
