Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
