the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
