I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize