Betty ford says i'm here all night
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
