she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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