And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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