Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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