barbara walters just said penis...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
