So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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