I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
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dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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