you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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