Just fell off a train. Bad.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
should my penis look like a turkey
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
