HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
