my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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