Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm sobbing to NWA
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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