is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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