I met the friendliest cop last night
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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