Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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