So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
