True but thats because hes a fetus.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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