she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
