Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
