The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
