Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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