dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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