Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
