Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
