He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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