why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
