new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
