Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
