Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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