Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize