The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
