Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
