he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
