I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
