Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
