So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We need a shit load of segways right now
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
