I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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