Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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