I want to have your abortion
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
