"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
