she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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