I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
