Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I want a musical about memes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
