Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
