loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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