I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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