you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
