Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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