shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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