What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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