I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
