I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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