and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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