So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I want a musical about memes.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
