Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
