today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
