just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
