I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
