Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
