Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
