i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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